Why does divorce hurt

On one hand, I knew Jesus was the only one who could carry me through the pain. I had nothing and no one else to lean on.

I contemplated suicide often and my life was hanging by a thread. I was certain that He alone could rescue me. On the other hand, feelings of failure and shame tempted me to run from the Holy One. The world called me to numb my agony with choices that had sufficed before I knew Christ.

I was on a precipice of running to Him and away from Him at the same time. Fortunately, my Father knows my heart and He loves me. He worked overtime to woo me back into His loving embrace. He became the faithful Husband I lost. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord. I totally understand that divorce is a difficult subject for the church. Divorce has long term consequences. No one knows that better than I do. We can become so dogmatic about divorce that we wound the very ones God loves.

Stick to a routine. A divorce or relationship breakup can disrupt almost every area of your life, amplifying feelings of stress, uncertainty, and chaos. Getting back to a regular routine can provide a comforting sense of structure and normalcy. Take a time out. Try not to make any major decisions in the first few months after a separation or divorce, such as starting a new job or moving to a new city. Avoid using alcohol, drugs, or food to cope.

But using alcohol, drugs, or food as an escape is unhealthy and destructive in the long run. Explore new interests. A divorce or breakup is a beginning as well as an end. Take the opportunity to explore new interests and activities. Pursuing fun, new activities gives you a chance to enjoy life in the here-and-now, rather than dwelling on the past.

You might find yourself not eating at all or overeating your favorite junk foods. Exercise might be harder to fit in because of the added pressures at home and sleep might be elusive. Try to consider this period in your life a time-out, a time for sowing the seeds for new growth.

You can emerge from this experience knowing yourself better and feeling stronger and wiser. In order to fully accept a breakup and move on, you need to understand what happened and acknowledge the part you played.

Try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat yourself up over your mistakes. As you look back on the relationship, you have an opportunity to learn more about yourself, how you relate to others, and the problems you need to work on. Authors: Jeanne Segal, Ph. American Psychiatric Association. Depressive Disorders. Zisook, S. Grief and bereavement: What psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry, 8 2 , 67— Rhoades, Galena K. Kamp Dush, David C. Atkins, Scott M. Stanley, and Howard J. Kansky, Jessica, and Joseph P.

Cohen, Orna, and Ricky Finzi-Dottan. Coping with Separation and Divorce — How to cope with and recover from a separation, divorce, or relationship breakup. Mental Health America.

Divorce Matters: Coping with Stress and Change PDF — Restructuring family life and coping with the change that comes along with separation and divorce.

Iowa State University. Find a DivorceCare group meeting near you — Worldwide directory of support groups for people going through a separation or divorce. A generous donor will match all contributions made before December 31 — doubling your gift and your impact! Cookie Policy. There are many reasons why does divorce hurt so much when it happens. Abruptly losing one of two household incomes can lead to missed payments on credit cards, loans, and monthly bills.

Joint accounts are also problematic because each person on the account is legally responsible for it. When two people who jointly own an account split up, they often split up their joint account, which leads to a reduction in credit scores. The same thing can happen with jointly owned debts. Divorce is, for many couples, the most painful thing they ever experience. It often requires a grieving process that one would experience with any kind of major loss. Losing a spouse is difficult because, no matter what leads to a divorce, the couple was at one time deeply united in friendship and in their life pursuits.

If you are currently experiencing the pain of a divorce, in any of the ways mentioned above, the best first step is to give yourself space to feel and heal. Allow yourself to feel the emotions that this loss is bringing on, even if they seem overwhelming. You were designed with a purpose and that purpose has not gone away, even though your spouse has.